Just before a photoshoot is booked, she almost always asks – sometimes very tentatively – “Can I actually bring someone along?”
My answer is always the same: Yes. I’d be delighted. You don’t need to give a reason or justify yourself. To me, having someone accompany you isn’t a sign of mistrust, but something completely normal – and often even a really good idea.
In this article, I’ll explain why that is, who’s best to bring along, and why I’d still like to ask you one thing: your companion is welcome to be there – but whilst we’re taking photos, the stage is yours alone.
Why I’m pleased to have your companion with you
Because you should feel safe. You’re walking into a studio you’ve never been to before, to meet a photographer you may only know from a preliminary chat and his website – and then you have to get changed as well. It’s perfectly understandable that this might make you feel a bit uneasy. I’m a man, and I know that trust isn’t something that can be taken for granted here; it has to be earned. Having someone you trust in the room takes away a great deal of that tension, even before we’ve started.
Because trust means having nothing to hide. I work according to clear rules: you see every shot, you set every boundary, and I don’t touch you during the shoot. That doesn’t change whether someone is watching or not. That’s precisely why I don’t mind if someone is there – quite the opposite, in fact. For me, transparency is the foundation of every good shoot.
Because the time before and after becomes more enjoyable. Travelling there together, feeling nervous together, laughing together: a photoshoot with a friend by your side often feels less like an appointment and more like a little adventure. And when we look at the first pictures together at the end, it’s lovely to have someone there who knows you – and who might be just as surprised as you are.
Because an extra pair of hands comes in handy. A strap that’s slipped, a stray strand of hair, a zip at the back, the next outfit that needs to be ready and waiting: your companion can help you get changed and take care of exactly those little things you might prefer not to ask me about.
Who is well suited to being a support person
The simple answer: someone with whom you can be completely yourself. This is often your best friend, your sister or your partner. What matters isn’t how close you are, but how you feel when you’re with them.
Ask yourself honestly beforehand:
- Do I feel relaxed around this person – even in my underwear?
- Can she hold back when it comes to me?
- Is she happy for me, without judging me?
If you answer ‘yes’ to all three questions, you’ve found the perfect companion. If you hesitate over one of them, that’s fine too – in which case you might prefer to bring someone else along, or come on your own. Many women who didn’t want to come on their own at first tell me afterwards that they would have been fine on their own. But you don’t need to know that in advance. You decide what feels right for you.
Why your companion should stay in the background
And now for the part where I ask any accompanying person, in a friendly but firm manner: whilst we’re taking photos, please stay in the background. This has nothing to do with mistrust or rules for the sake of rules. It’s all about you and your photos.
A photo shoot is a conversation between you and the camera. The best pictures are taken in those moments when you forget you’re being photographed – when your gaze softens, your body relaxes and you’re simply being yourself. These moments are fleeting. Every glance over at your friend, every brief ‘So, how does that look?’, pulls you out of that state. And you can see that in the photos.
An audience changes the way you move. As soon as we feel we’re being watched, we start performing for the audience – we laugh a bit too loudly, we strike poses a bit too much, or we make ourselves seem smaller than we really are. That’s only human. But a boudoir shoot is meant to show who you are, not how you want others to perceive you.
Well-meaning comments can do a lot of damage. “Suck in your tummy.” “Why don’t you do it like on Instagram?” “That leg looks a bit odd.” Comments like these are almost always meant kindly – yet they still hit exactly the spots where you’re already feeling insecure. I’ll guide you through every pose, show you the images on the screen, and tell you honestly what looks good. A second voice giving instructions is more likely to make you feel insecure than to help.
I need your full attention – and you need mine. During the shoot, I’m keeping an eye on lots of things at once: the light, your posture, your hands, your gaze – and, above all, how you’re feeling. The quieter it is in the room, the better I can be there for you.
Here’s what it looks like in practice
I’ll provide your companion with a cosy spot from which they can join in without being right in the thick of things. They’re welcome to watch, have a cup of coffee, or simply be there. I do have a few small requests for them:
- Please keep quiet whilst we’re taking photos. During breaks and when changing outfits, you’re of course welcome to chat and laugh.
- No instructions and no ratings. A bit of encouragement is lovely – a smile or a thumbs-up is more than enough.
- Leave your mobile in your pocket. No photos, no videos, no voice messages ‘to the others’. Your privacy comes first – even when it comes to your loved ones.
- Feel free to move to a different spot if you’d like. If you find you feel more at ease without an audience, just let me know. Then your companion can wait in the next room for part of the shoot or step outside for some fresh air. It’s no big deal – it’s completely normal – and it’s your decision, not theirs and not mine.
And to be perfectly honest: for most people accompanying you, that’s exactly what’s best about it. They get to be there without having to take on any responsibility – and watch as you become more and more at one with yourself with every passing minute.
And in the end? You’ll be celebrating together.
Once the shoot is over and we’re looking at the first pictures together, your companion can be right there with you again. This is often one of the loveliest moments of the whole day: seeing how someone who knows you well suddenly sees you in a whole new light.
And if you like, you can raise a glass together afterwards. You’ve both earned it.
It would be best if you could let me know during the initial consultation whether you’ll be bringing someone along, and if so, who. That way, I can make all the necessary arrangements so that you both feel at ease right from the start.
I’m looking forward to seeing you.
Leif Sundelius
